Knock it off, yellow pages!

Last Saturday morning, we slept until about 8:15 (very late for me and hubby) and yawned our way down to the kitchen to make some coffee. Hubby put the water into the coffeemaker, and I put in the coffee grounds. We found the “on” switch with our bleary eyes. Then we stood around in a sleepy, contented trance, waiting for the coffee to brew. The cats came upstairs from their sleeping quarters in the basement and asked for hugs and breakfast. I picked up fuzzy Huckleberry, who purred sleepily and asked me (in cat language) if he could please get a drink from the bathroom faucet. I hugged him.

That’s when I looked outside to check out the beautiful morning. We had a male cardinal, several orioles, yellow finches, and a very fat hairy woodpecker, and some less memorable birds at the feeder. A blackbird gleefully splashed around in the birdbath.

Beyond our bird feeders is some grass, then the road, then our mailbox on the other side of our little gravel road. And on top of the mailbox, on this particular Saturday morning, was a yellow plastic bag with something (?) in it.

I walked out to the mailbox in my polka-dot pajama pants and hot pink shirt, my leopard-print slippers, and my bed-head hair. I grabbed the yellow bag and brought it inside the house. Sure enough, the yellow plastic bag contained a phone book.—But wait, there’s something else in here.

Oh, inside the bag are actually TWO phone books. Two identical freaking phone books!

I was appalled that a household of two people and no land line would receive TWO yellowpages phone books. What am I supposed to do with this garbage? Seriously. I read books every day, but I get my books at the library because I certainly don’t need more books at my house. And as I fumed (suddenly wide awake without the benefit of morning coffeee), I noticed that apparently, delivering two books is the yellowbooks’ company’s idea of environmental stewardship:

It’s an eco-friendly size and packed with content! SO WHY DO I NEED TWO BOOKS?!

Ok, so, whoever printed too many yellow pages books and needed to get rid of them, congratulations, your problem has officially become mine, until your book from last year, which I have used exactly 1 time, plus the two books you gave me this year, end up in the recycling bin in town. And by the way, did I mention that people who live out in the boondocks, like me, have to HAUL THEIR RECYCLING INTO TOWN, 10 miles away, to get rid of it? You dropped off your damn booklets on my mailbox, and created 20 miles worth of work for me to get rid of them.

Thanks a lot, you jerks at yellowbook! I’m sorry, but your gig is up. It’s 2012 and it’s time to find a new way to make money. Stop creating products to fill up our recycling bins and landfills. I will NOT be using either one of the TWO books you dropped off for me last weekend.

Sincerely,

Your disgruntled “customer” in rural MN

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