When Romney was a Democrat, and I was a Republican . . . a Hateful But Necessary Post

Let’s say that, just for today, Mitt Romney is a Democrat. And let’s say, that for the last few hours of today, I am a Republican. And today’s story from Mexico broke about the guy on the other side of the aisle. Here are my immediate, definitive, proven conclusions. I need to call FOX News immediately with them:

1) Mitt Romney comes from a family of polygamists.

2) Mitt Romney actually IS a polygamist and his 8 other wives and 54 other children live somewhere off the radar out in Idaho or some other weird state. He visits them secretly every week, and supports them all because he is a Big Man. Oh, and he gets lots of sex anytime he wants.

3) Oh, and he was not born in the United States, either! What a thrill! His “birth certificate” is a fake and we all know it. C’mon, Americans, admit it. We all know it.

4) He is also a socialist, a communist, a fascist, an environmentalist, and by the way, can you believe that Mexican blood?

However . . .

I am not a Republican. Mitt Romney is not a Democrat. And therefore, none of these stupid assumptions will get any play. He will NOT have to show his birth certificate. Republicans will be very forgiving of someone who supposedly sired 54 children; after all, we do need to keep the economy running, and the world could easily support 10, 12, even 14 billion people. And procreation is so beautiful.

I didn’t mind Mitt Romney, at least personally, until this week, when he departed from the issues and started sounding like FOX News “reporters” with his hate speeches about our President. I will not be linking to the speech I refer to, needless to say. Let’s just say that Karl Rove has obviously met with Mr. Romney and coached him on sounding like a spiteful spoiled brat instead of the level-minded conservative he seemed like even a few weeks ago. Karl certainly knows what pulls in the votes—rhymes, jingles, and puns, the latter of which particularly make republicans feel like they are “catching on” to something really covert and clever. This is what Karl gets paid the big bucks for. He’s really good at his job, I’ll say that for him. My employer does not pay me nearly as much money. That joke, sadly, is on me.

By the way, how’s about those New Hampshire Republicans? Romney wins the Iowa caucus by 8 votes and overnight, New Hampshire primary voters can’t even think for themselves anymore. It’s breathtaking, really, the herd mentality of the members of this party.

I have not blogged much about politics. I’ll try not to to do it again. This time, I couldn’t help myself. I know why the Democrats are not jumping all over this story; Democrats don’t CARE if Romney’s ancestors and relatives are Mexican, and they don’t even care if he is the ancestors of polygamists. But if Mitt Romney were a Democrat, Republicans would care. Good night, Chet.

(PS – He even looks like a Mexican!)

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