I made it to Friday. It’s almost 9:00 AM, too, so I am well on my way to getting through this week.
It’s a “busy” time for “us” at work. We have a big party to host at the end of August, so the “preparations” are “exhausting.” Today I will spend at least an hour on some planning and even half an hour on something else that I’ve been working on. Working for an hour and a half on a SINGLE DAY at this job is outstanding.
Everyone else truly is busy but they don’t share the work and everyone “owns” their part.
I am baffled by how some people here have some really cool responsibilities when they are no more qualified than I am. I don’t get it. Especially when I have repeatedly offered to take part in more activities and learn more.
It’s occurred to me that perhaps the work that I DO do is mediocre, and therefore, they don’t want to give me anything else to mess up. That could even be possible, although I really don’t think anyone–even my oblivious boss–has given any thought to what I could offer if given the chance. And, the work I do ISN’T mediocre. Most of it is great, and considering this isn’t even my core competency (nor did I represent myself as an expert at some of these things when I interviewed for this job), I think I’m doing pretty well even on the tasks that I am not naturally good at or trained to do. And everyone tells me my personality fits so well here, too, so I don’t think I’m just turning people off by being me. I also bathe and wear deodorant daily, and I even brush my teeth after lunch. So I’m not smelly.
Yesterday my boss said something that really pissed me off, implying that I am too free with our money. As if I have any say in what money is spent, or where! If a quote I obtained from a vendor is too high, we should go elsewhere. I don’t sign the fucking checks. Or make buying decisions or write up purchase orders. It’s just silly, the thought of me spending this company’s money.
This is the same boss who did not want to buy me a new chair to replace the 15-year-old chair that was killing my back when I first started working here. Finally, I had to declare that I was going to buy it with my own money (we’re talking $100 here, not $500) in order to get the company to spring for it. Never mind the thousands of dollars in worker’s comp/physician expenses we would have incurred had I continued sitting in that chair. (And I sit on my ass all day with nowhere else to go, so not sitting is not an option.) So I guess my boss’s judgment about where & how we spend money isn’t necessarily on track with logic. And I wouldn’t even really care, except that she is the one I rely on to give me responsibility and to promote me to the rest of the organization (since I sit at my desk all day long and do not get out to meet co-workers who work outside of our office).
Anyway, an altogether frustrating experience. For someone like me who has a low tolerance for boredom and a high tolerance for tons of work, the irony is just RICH that I have a job where there’s nothing to do and I can’t seem to open up other opportunities for myself here because I am isolated and have a boss who further, and seemingly consciously, tries to isolate me. But I am probably overestimating her awareness of the situation by saying that. And I need to point out that she is not a mean person–she’s actually a very decent human being. Just not really a boss who advocates for me.
I advocate for myself as much as I can, but again, I’m very isolated and don’t have a lot of exposure to others in the company–even physically, much less in a work-related way.
And actually I am not just frustrated, I’m sad about it. I’ve actually considered quitting outright because I’m starting to wake up every morning with a sinking feeling. I need the money and I have “free” health insurance here, so I know I have to stick with it. And be optimistic that things will get better. And look for other work in the meantime.