Today I felt better about coming to work because I actually got an assignment yesterday that will take a couple of days. I’m not really good at the task–organizing a meeting and getting invitations out and planning the incidentals–but it’s something to do and I’m delighted to do it. Today I’ll do some more work on it.
I wonder what it says about me that I always need something to do. I think it simply means I want to keep my mind busy and I don’t like watching the clock. I’m also dealing with my own high expectations–since I went to school for so long and feel that I have something to offer, I always thought that I’d have a satisfying work life. But that is definitely not the case.
At the tender age of 42, I’ve had jobs I like and jobs I hate, and everything in between. It’s easy to remember what I hated in jobs, but harder to figure out what makes up a job that I don’t mind going to. (Forget “liking” or “loving” a job . . . I’d rather sit home and read any time.) I guess the jobs I’ve liked have been jobs where I’ve been busy, had some leeway to do things “creatively” (I use that word very loosely–I mean, where I’ve had some decision making ability, I guess) and where there were obvious results of my work that I could look on as accomplishments.
So I guess that’s also the kind of job I’m looking for now. I have a very LOW tolerance for boredom and quite a HIGH tolerance for being busy, even if the tasks are not inherently interesting.
Is that what I’m looking for when I talk about being creative? What would it mean to find my creative energies and use them at work?